Bombs we mustn’t use ‘must exist’

HIGHLY powerful and lethiferous weapons that we must never deploy must “absolutely” not be disarmed.

Warfare advisers say it is imperative that the unspeakably annihilative bombs be kept and further developed, at great cost.

They admit that using the “completely necessary” armaments would cause exactly the sort of doomful global conflict that no lucid mortal could ever wish to see transpire.

But entirely ending the possibility of such a nightmarish scenario would be a “risky strategy” likely to result in a tremendous sum of money being spent on non-destructive and non-perilous projects instead.

An expert in eradicative warfare said: “The bigger an unexploded bomb is, the safer it makes people who are near it.

“This should be logical to everyone, but unfortunately some people don’t understand, and that is why I must explain it again in clear, simple terms.

“It is completely necessary that weapons of this scale are developed, built, maintained, and never ever deployed.”

However, he warned: “I cannot emphasise more clearly and more seriously exactly how important it is that these bombs remain extremely static and extensively unused, forever.

“My advice to any person or group that may be in such a position as to be able to both construct these monstrous weapons and then subsequently use them to destruct anything and everything they choose is that only the former decision is a wise one.

“Develop these bombs, but do not detonate them.”

Weapons of such force that they could conceivably exterminate all life on Earth have existed for several decades now, but their use has been strictly limited since that time when lots of bad things happened.

Countries that possess these weapons are among the strongest advocates of them not being developed elsewhere, while those that do not possess them are among the strongest advocates of them being detonated elsewhere.

“It’s a good situation right now and one I hope will remain,” the eradicative warfare expert, who advises several bomb-owning governments around the world, added.

“I often tell countries that do not possess these massively slaughterous bombs that they are playing a dangerous game. It’s a risky strategy.

“Although we are only safe for as long as they remain idle, my greatest fear is to live in a world where behemothic bombs such as these do not exist at all.

“Imagine the carnage.”